i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.