I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
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so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
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The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.