how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.