Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
