Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?