): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything