If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.