My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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