I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
