Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
