just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
