he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
