Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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