So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
