guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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