she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
