i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
