i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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