i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
