Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Blood and glitter go together right?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize