bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
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You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
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i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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