Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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