I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
