Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
