It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
