You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
