census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
