you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
