I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize