I feel great
I just peed on a car
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
