MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
