just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So much rum. So many feels.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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