these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
