Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i now understand why vodka
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
