It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
