Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
