her vagina looked like bernie madoff
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
