I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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