I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
