i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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