In the future we'll all be gay
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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