What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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