Whod you bang
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
