Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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