i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
