these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
