On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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