bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
