She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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