Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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