What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
