stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
