I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
