It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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