saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize