i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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