Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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