After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
