Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
