so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
