Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Less talking, more tequila
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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