We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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