oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we made out on top of his cat.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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