Tell her she can't have a vagina
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
