Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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