The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
