You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
