my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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