Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
