We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my poor anus
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
